so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
