Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
