i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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