Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
