Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
