dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
