i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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