I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
