she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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