grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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