He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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