I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
