i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
