Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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