im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
