Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm both gender and math confused
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
