I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
