Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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