What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
