seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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