i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
