he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
