You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
