there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
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