Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
