I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
