We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
