I accidentally had phone sex last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
