The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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