I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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