They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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