You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize