having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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