Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
