it wasn't lemon gatorade
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
