just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
