If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
