It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
