Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
