I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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