I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
