You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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