He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
