just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
