Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
