I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
