shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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