you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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