Your dad touched me again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
