Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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