Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
