Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
