i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
