I faked an abortion last night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
